He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
