# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
