I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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