oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
