I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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