Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
