Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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