Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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