We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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