so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
