So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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