are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
