just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
