Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
