Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
