Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
