It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
