Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
nutella sex= disaster
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
