I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
