Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize