my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
