apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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