i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just pee around me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
