I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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