Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
