their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
