I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
