It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
