I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
