i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
