I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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