he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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