i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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