feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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