woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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