You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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