My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
