I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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