There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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