She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
