the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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