Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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