Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
