i already hear my dad disowning me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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