Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
