Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
