its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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