I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
