I got chris browned last night
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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