Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
