i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
