I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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