I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
