you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
