You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
