It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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