yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
