the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
