I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
