So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
