Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize