Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
