Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
