he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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