just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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