ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
